Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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