i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
