I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
