found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
