I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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