He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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