I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
50% drunk capacity currently
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
