Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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