Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
