the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
