YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
