Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
