woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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