Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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