i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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