my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
