Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
