brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
