did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
