Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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