come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
