Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sober January is a disaster.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sorry my hands just texted you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
