Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
