I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
