Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
