remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
