It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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