Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
