She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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