Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
