i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
