I just pynch a tree in the face
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
