I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
