when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
