No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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