That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
