Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
