Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
