hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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