OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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