I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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