trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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