And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
