filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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