I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
