um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
