mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
