i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
