I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
