I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
