I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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