So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
