i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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