it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
