dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I deserve this hangover.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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